First Day Of My Life
by Jess888
Summary: An attempt to cheer Hanna up turns into something much more.


Every now and then, while on his way back from his nightly walks, the tall dead man would pass by a small grocery store; alright, so it was more like a "fancy" convenience store, but that's not really the point. He never gave the store more than a quick, passing glance, but this particular morning was different. He recalled the previous night and how Hanna had come home from work looking exhausted and just plain sad. Of course when he had asked the red-head what was wrong, Hanna just shrugged it off with a weak laugh and a smile.

"_Huh? Oh, nothing man! Ha-ha, you always worry way too much Darren."_

Darren had very much doubted that nothing was wrong; he could tell that something was bothering Hanna, but he hadn't wanted to pry. Even so, he couldn't get the image of Hanna's tired face out of his mind. All he wanted was to see Hanna smile, truly and genuinely simile instead of the ones he gave with so much sadness hidden in his eyes. Darren would do anything to see him happy, and as he found himself passing by the tiny store, he glanced back once, twice, and somehow found himself stepping back towards the store and in through the door. It seemed to be that no matter how small, every gesture of kindness that Hanna received from the zombie made him happy, sometimes so much so that he would let out a small "gnee" of happiness. Sometimes, just sometimes, Hanna would even give him the briefest of hugs. They were fast and the physical contact was barely there, but every time Hanna hugged him, it never failed to make his chest tighten in a way that could only be compared to the beating of his long dead heart. Hug or no hug, it didn't matter; if he could be there for Hanna and see his smiling face that would always be enough.

With a soft click, Darren unlocked the door to the tiny apartment, taking care to not make any noise that could raise the redhead from his sleep. Despite his best efforts to keep quiet, Hanna was already stirring, incoherent mumbling barely audible through the covers. He felt the corners of his mouth ever-so-slightly turn upwards as Hanna went about untangling himself from the bedding, red hair endearingly askew. He couldn't help but gaze at Hanna as he went about blindly searching for his glasses, couldn't help but find the way that Hanna cautiously reached out, gently groping around the mattress in an earnest manner. It took a moment or two for Hanna to find them, but once he did, Darren quickly looked away. If Hanna saw him staring, he wouldn't have been able to explain himself. To be perfectly honest, he didn't understand why he had such..._emotion_ for Hanna, so the idea of explaining something to him that the dead man himself didn't quite understand was hard situation to grasp. Still, he found himself turning back with a smile in his eyes as Hanna rose and walked towards him.

"Mornin' Silas! Did you have a good walk? Anything interesting happen?"

Silas had to stifle a chuckle at the way Hanna yawned through his question. It was, after all, barely morning, and Hanna was not usually awake this early.

"It was good. If you want, you could go back to sleep. It is early after all. If I woke you..."

"You didn't wake me man! No worries! Besides, sometimes it's nice to wake up early. It's peaceful, yanno? It's like the rest of the world isn't really awake yet. No one else, just you and me."

How was it that Hanna was able to make something as simple as waking up before the rest of the world so incredibly heartfelt? Silas didn't quite know, but it made his chest tighten in a way that could only be described as uplifting and warm.

"So, hey, what's in the bag? Did you do a little shopping or something?"

He looked down and over his shoulder to look at Hanna, that trademark smile plastered on his face.

"Does the idea of me shopping really that humorous?"

"No! No man, I just-wait. Are you...are you teasing me?

"...possibly."

"Oh, man, Silas, that's awesome! I've actually got you teasing me! Like, legitimately!"

Despite the fact that Hanna was practically bouncing in place with joy over the dead man's apparent teasing, but his curiosity over what the bag hadn't wavered in the slightest (the way Hanna peaked over the taller mans shoulder every few bounces was evidence enough). Silas resisted the urge to shake his head in a 'you are so silly sometimes' kind of way as he went about emptying the plastic bag, placing a jar of Nutella and a loaf of bread down on the kitchen table. The second he did so, Hanna let out a noise that could only be described as a squeal of childish delight.

"It's nothing special, but I thought maybe this could cheer you up after-"

He didn't get a chance to finish as he found himself being pulled into a hug, Hanna's skinny arms encircling his waist. For a moment, he considered hugging the smaller man back-the feeling in his chest urging him to seek out and take hold of the warmth that Hanna had to offer-but instead settled for putting a gentle hand to his shoulder. Hanna pulled away and looked up at him, still smiling, but Silas could tell that this smile was different. It wasn't a forced smile, nor was it a grin bursting with unbridled joy. No, it seemed to hold some emotion he couldn't quite put his finger on. Just as quickly as it had appeared, that foreign smile dissipated back into a Cheshire grin, spreading across Hanna's face.

"Man, this is awesome! I mean, you didn't have to or anything, but you did and I just, wow Jensen! I'm kinda floored or something at how amazing you are and, and..."

This time, it was Jensen's turn to interrupt, but a tally was added to the smile scoreboard spoke.

"Sit, it'll only take me a minute to get it ready."

Jensen, focused on preparing Hanna's breakfast, didn't notice that Hanna had scurried off for a moment, only to reappear with an empty cardboard box and the few pillows he owned being squished into a chair-like fashion. Turning to see what the red-head was up to, Jensen raised a questioning eyebrow in response to what he saw.

"Oh! I thought that maybe we could, I don't know, sit in the floor or something and maybe talk and uhh, enjoy each other's company?" Hanna said, his voice getting progressively higher and faster as his face began to turn a reddish hue. For a moment, Jensen didn't know what to say. He was hit by a feeling he could only describe as being genuinely touched, but being dead as long as he had been, emotions of such strength was a foreign prospect. And as such, the force of this welcome yet unfamiliar feeling was a bit...much. Lucky for him, emotion wasn't exactly something of prevalence when it came to being showed, so Hanna seemed none the wiser, something which Jensen was grateful for, as he knew he couldn't even begin to explain this stirring in his chest.

"I mean, if that's like, lame or something then uhh, forget I said anything...I'll just shut up now.."

Jensen blinked once, then twice. Hanna, who was now sitting, had turned a more vivid red, and looked to be increasingly embarrassed by his previous actions. Jensen set down the plate of food on the makeshift table of cardboard, and shook his head. Gently, he tilted Hanna chin up with a touch that was barely even there.

"I'd very much like that."

And just as quickly as the brush of gentle, cool fingers had come, it had gone, and the dead man was already sitting across from Hanna. Still red, and probably even more red than before, Hanna shook away the knot in his chest, and enjoyed the company of his undead partner. Hanna talked about silly things, mostly because it was a distraction from the warm but nervous feeling that had quickly spread from his chest to his entire body. With every response and with every barely-there-but-still-there smile, the dreary apartment seemed to brighten.

Jensen continued to listen in earnest, even as he stood to clear away the plate. True, he didn't actually talk back all that often, but he enjoyed hearing Hanna talk, even if half of it seemed to be completely and utterly random. If Hanna wanted to talk about whatever crossed his mind, he would gladly listen. Being able to hear the happiness in Hanna's voice was something that brought the quieter man a sense of joy.

When the silence came, that joy went away. He turned back to Hanna, and was greeted with a look he didn't understand. Hanna was looking at him, a slight pout on his lips, and a concerned curiosity aglow in his eyes.

"Hanna? What's wrong? Are you okay?" the zombie said as he slowly, almost cautiously, walked over to the other. Hanna said nothing, but the way his face changed spoke for him.

"Why do you do these kinda things for me, Mikael? Buying something special for breakfast to cheer me up, actually wanting to spend time with me, listening to my stupid and pointless ramblings..." Hanna tugged at his shirt as he spoke, but he didn't look away. Not for a moment did his eyes leave Mikael's glowing ones. "I guess I'm trying to say...well I don't actually know what I'm _trying_ to say, but I..." Hanna said, trailing off into that unwanted silence that Mikael found disheartening. However, the return of unsettling silence was the last thing on Mikael's mind.

"Hanna..." he said, bending down so he could be at eye level with the red-head. "Oh Hanna..." Mikael cupped the red-head's down-turned face in both hands, but made no move to lift it. That would be his decision.

"Hanna, look at me..." No response. "Please Hanna...please" his voice breaking slightly as he spoke.

Hearing the painful break in his voice seemed to be enough for Hanna to lift his head and look at the green man before him. A look of worry and hurt crossed the span of Hanna's face, and in an attempt to soothe the boy Mikael began to gently rub small circles on Hanna's flushed cheeks.

"Hanna, I do all these things because I want to." Hanna opened his mouth to speak and to argue that just wanting wasn't a good enough reason, but Mikael stopped him with a brush of his thumb over his lips.

"Please Hanna, let me finish. I do these things because I want to. Not out of obligation and not out of pity. Being able to see you light up over such little things brings me an immeasurable amount of joy." He spoke each word carefully, taking care to make Hanna hear his genuine sincerity. He brought Hanna's face closer to his and gently brought their foreheads together in a barely there touch.

"I do these things because I want you to be happy. Seeing you upset, seeing you so distraught over things you can't change...it breaks my unbeating heart." He closed the lingering gap between them, the touching of their foreheads no longer a feathered whisper.

"...And I know that you may not believe me when I say this, and how I wish you would, but being able to see you happy, just the simple act of being around you, well...it makes me not mourn for the loss of my life and the memories that came with it."

"But you lost everything, didn't you? I mean, not only did you, yanno, _die, _but you weren't even able to come back with your name! You forgot everything and, and..." Hanna could barely shake out the words, the weight of Mikael's words crashing down on him. Even as Mikael mumbled soothing words and hushed shh's in his ear, he couldn't stop the trembling in both his voice and body.

"You lost everything when you died, and you lost everything even when you un-died! But you're okay with that! Why are you okay with that?" Hanna gave a dry sob as he fisted his hands into Mikael's shirt, making a feeble attempt to shake the man into answering him.

With a smile, Mikael pulled Hanna into what could only be described as a loving embrace. He slid his arms around the smaller man's broad shoulder and thin back, whispering as brought his eyes to look into Hanna's.

"Because it brought me to you."

Poorly concealing the sob that escaped from his throat, Hanna threw his arms around the dead man's waist, burying his face into his chest. Every now and then, he would mumble "thank you" and "means alot to me" as hot tears continued to poor down his cheeks. Mikael whispered words of comfort in Hanna's ear, overcome by the urge to wipe away his tears. Gently, he drew back his arms and cupped Hanna's face in his hands once more.

As he spoke, he brushed away the tears on Hanna's cheeks. "Don't cry Hanna, please don't cry." Hanna sniffled, and let out a small laugh.

The warmth Hanna possessed made him feel so very alive. Hanna's smile, the way he laughed for hours when he found something to be truly hilarious, everything basked him in the warmth that was, simply, Hanna.

Fingers slowed to gentle caresses, tears stopped, and as their eyes met, the zombie brought their faces so close together that he could feel Hanna's soft breathe on his chin.

"Hanna, you mean everything to me. You're my reason to continue living." he whispered breathily. He kissed Hanna's forehead and then the tip of his nose. He kissed Hanna's cheeks as the small man made a small hum of pleasure in the back of his throat. He chuckled as he kissed Hanna's chin, a chuckle that earned him one in return. Slowly, with a moment of hesitance, he brought his lips to Hanna's in a soft kiss. They parted with a smile on both their faces, and Hanna giggled.

"So, does this mean you like me that way?"

"No..."

He kissed Hanna again.

"It means I love you."

He brought Hanna into a kiss filled with more passion than he thought he could have as a dead man, tongue running over soft lips as Hanna kissed back just as hard.

"...me too. I love you too."

Time was forgotten in lue of needy kisses and hot touches. Worries were buried under soft moans and whispered words of affection. Doubts were stripped away along with articles of clothing, both thrown into forgotten corners of their minds. Evert touch, lick, kiss and moan replaced words already known. Their bodies tangled together, a pure euphoria being reached with every move and sound they made.

In the back of their minds, they recalled the moment they had met. They had gone on living before they met, but that day was truly the first day of their life's.


End file.
